For 2 weeks now I've been here in Farnham at Ellel. I've already been blown away by how BLESSED I am to be in this place in this time. I have never been immersed in the Word of God as much as I currently am now and I find myself falling in love with scripture for perhaps the first time.
We have this amazing little stream that flows through the lower end of our property and we've been encouraged to seek out the Lord by the river there... I guess it is a place where many have heard that still small voice and have found comfort and even direction.
Last weekend I was by that stream praying and asking the Lord to speak. I'd been praying for quite awhile and just crying out to the Lord and waiting to hear something-- waiting for the still small voice. Nothing. I don't know what I wanted to hear but I longed for something more then the sound of my own breath. In that moment I turned my i-pod on shuffle and on came a song I'd never really listened to before. Do you ever have those moments when you feel like a song could not have been written for anyone other then you? Because the words just speak to the core of what you are feeling. Anyway, as I began to listen, the words of the song resonated so deeply and directly confirmed a lot of things I had felt the Lord has been speaking to my spirit lately. Namely about the concept of Jesus increasing in my life and letting myself decrease. Dealing with my own pride, my own selfishness-- you know, all the fun things I can see in the mirror when I'm being honest.
This thought of needing to die more fully to the things of 'self' has been weighing on my heart for the past several weeks. As I listened to the words of the song and stared at the river stream gently flowing in front of me, the tears just began to flow from my eyes...
Friend for life
Who took my pain
The cleansing flood
You remain
Wash over me
Till I can't be seen
Living Water swallow me
Deepest river wash me clean
Jesus, Savior more of thee
Jesus, more of thee
Come and ruin me with Your love
So no other is enough
Come and leave Your mark on me
Jesus, more of thee
Jesus, more of thee
Friend for life
I'll carry on
Through the power
Of this flood
Let it spill over, over
Till I can't be seen
Deep is the stain
Inside of me
But deeper the river
That washes me clean
I've been the one
Who cries in the night
But you've been
The friend of my life
Living Water swallow me
Deepest river wash me clean
Jesus, Savior more of thee
Jesus, more of thee
Come and ruin me with Your love
So no other is enough
Come and leave Your mark on me
Jesus, more of thee
So I write all this to say, I am going to be taking a break from writing on this blog for a little while. As much as I'd love to use this as my processing point and share what God is teaching me here in England as it happens, I just have this conviction and sense that part of the dying to myself involves dying to things that can bring glory to myself. And this is one of those things.
"He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30)
So I'm putting down my 'pen' so to say for a season. I do hope to be back...but for now I just need to be a little nearer to the feet of Jesus and a little further from my computer.