Reunions, Remembering and Reprieve...

For 3 hours today I forgot.

I forgot about the stress and heaviness my heart has been carrying this week.
I forgot about the headlines.
Worry seemed far from my mind.
There was no talk of war.
No talk of Russia.
There was only laughter, memories and hugs and smiles....and pizza.

I traveled with a group of friends to visit the children we brought to Colorado this last December to perform The Old Russian Shoemaker.  Their orphanage is about 4 hours from Kiev, so this was the first time we'd all been reunited since our departure in December.

What a sweet reunion it was.

The 7 kids were more than thrilled to see our team and we were tackled with hugs and kisses the moment we were found.

Sitting around a large cafe table, we reminisced about favorite America memories and even were able to FaceTime with some of our wonderful host families in Colorado.  I had brought letters from each of the host families, so those too were read and re-read and read again!  Their faces were filled with pure joy-- their happiness was contagious.

FaceTime with our sweet Kelly in Colorado!

This afternoon was so very precious.  My heart so very full.

More tears were shed upon our departure. The dearness of these children - their yearning for relationships and to be known was once again made clear.

For those 3 hours, rumors of war seemed distant from the mind. Instead in focus were sweet hugs and pleas to 'come visit again soon.'  Life suddenly seemed quite simple.

As our team loaded back into our van and waved our final goodbyes we all sat down and discussed how meaningful the time had been...all of us confirming that life for a moment had felt lighter. Funny....we all had managed to forget.


As we made the long trek back to Kiev the heaviness slowly set back in as we checked our phones and read news updates (bad mood killer, let me tell you). The weight of thousands of Russian troops surrounding the eastern borders suddenly again felt very real...probably because it is very real.

This last week has been mentally exhausting. 95% of conversations seem to focus around the potential of a Russian invasion and what could happen next. Life continues on as normal as possible, but there is a weight that everyone is living under

 I was in a group of internationals a week or so ago and we all had to pick 3 words to describe our feelings for the past two months.  I had to invent a word to accurately describe how I felt: 'yo-yo.'  Life has truly felt a bit like that---one moment up, the next down. Pause.  Repeat.

We've been living on the verge of so many 'what if' scenarios and  I'm constantly struggling to renew my mind and focus on the one hope I know to be true...the Jesus who is my peace in the midst of this storm.  It is truly a daily exercise--and I'm far from perfecting it.  Pause. Repeat.

So tonight I pause and thank God for the reprieve of today, for the chance to get my mind off of what has been bringing me down and instead focus on the children who can so quickly change my perspective and refocus my vision.  The children who remind me of why I'm here in the first place.  

And thus I return to the renewing of the mind:

"God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble. 

 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 

 though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.

 

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her at break of day. 

 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

 Come and see what the Lord has done,
    the desolations he has brought on the earth. 

 He makes wars cease
    to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the shields with fire. 

 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.” 

The Lord Almighty is with us;

    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Psalm 46

Singing a song over the headlines

On the Brink of disaster...
Crisis in Ukraine...
Russia tightens Grip on Putin...
Russian military issues ultimatum to Ukraine...
Russia surrounds Crimea...

These are the headlines that have been bouncing around all the major news sources yesterday and today.  Enough to give oneself a panic attack if you read too much!  Especially living in said nation.
 

So a week ago I was making light of touring through the former President's home and taking pictures sitting behind his desk (really hoping he doesn't come after me for that one by the way)....

5 days later all of Ukraine is holding its breath and praying that all hell does not break loose tomorrow in Crimea.  Things seem to be changing rapidly around here.

I think we all feared Russia's reaction to Ukraine's revolution and impeachment of Yanukovich a bit-- especially after the Olympics came to an end-- but I can honestly say I wasn't expecting what has transpired over the last few days.   I was a bit more optimistic then today's headlines have proved.

For the most part life continues on as normal as can be expected in Kiev-- a good 11 hour drive from the current Russian occupation of Crimea.   I even had lunch at a nearby mall with a friend today, and by the looks of the people in shops and sitting in cafes you'd never guess that the nation is 'on the brink of war'--- until you flip on the TV or check the internet and see all the threats and rhetoric flying around. 

It's more the mental games that can get to you...all the 'what if's'... 
Honestly, nothing was really bothering me much until today.

Today I spent an excessive amount of time online reading headlines (the same ones you are reading). Seeing the building international attention this has all gained started to raise my internal stress level.  And let's just face it-- Russia is intimidating!  When people throw around terms like World War III your mind can do some crazy things!

Seriously....many of my friends and family could hardly locate Ukraine on a map before the last month and now we are the HEADLINE story on BBC, FOX, NBC, CNN and every other major news network.  On some news sites Ukraine even makes up the top 3 stories!  It's crazy! One thing is clear -  people now know Ukraine is not Russia.

Friends keep writing and asking when I'm leaving or if I have an exit strategy.  At this point things in my opinion are stable enough in Kiev to remain where I am and continue on in the work we are doing.  My heart is here, my work and life are here, and in all honesty in this present moment it would be harder for me to leave then to stay- because this is where I want to be.  For now it makes sense to remain.

This is a critical time for this nation.  If you've read my last few posts you'll have read about the tremendous hope that I experienced walking the streets of Maidan over the past week.  People were filled with a somber joy and had eyes fixed on a new horizon they thought was attainable.  They believed that the lives lost had not been lost in vain.

I don't think that hope is gone. 
It's been intimidated with fear perhaps, its concerned, and it is feeling a little shaky- but I do believe that hope remains. 

In our chapel service today at our office I saw the same hope and determination that I saw on the faces of  Maidan last week.  That hope was conveyed through the prayers of my Ukrainian friends.

People are fasting and praying in a way they never have before, and the believers in this nation have been brought to their knees knowing that God is the only way out of this mess.

Today we asked for forgiveness for previously not being so concerned with Syria, with Thailand and with Venezuela and all that has transpired in those nations. It's amazing how things seem so distant, until they become personal.

It has become personal in Ukraine.

Throughout my unsettling, slightly stressful, mind wrestling day there is one song I keep humming in my head.  It's actually a song that keeps coming to my mind every time I've been in coroporate prayer for this nation in recent weeks.

I can't really recall the last time I've heard this song sung or even played, but somehow the lyrics seem to be seared into my heart.  I think God has put them there for a reason.  

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise;
Just to know, Thus saith the Lord.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him,
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er,
Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus!
 O for grace to trust Him more.

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
Just in simple faith to plunge me,
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood.

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life, and rest, and joy, and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

It's easy to focus on the headlines.  

It's easy to give in to stress and worry.

But it's a choice to trust in Jesus...and take him at his word.

Tonight I'm going to bed making that choice. 

Thank you for praying!