The day in-between

**I wrote this post exactly 2 years ago on Easter weekend, and was reminded of this message again today-- as so many of life's struggles seem amplified.  Re-sharing it to remind myself of the Hope of Easter...and praying it brings encouragement to others too.

Today, on this Saturday I find myself reflecting on the significance of today-- the day between good Friday and Easter. 

It's a rather depressing day when you stop and think about it.  The disciples had seen Jesus die and suffer on Friday and then awoke on Saturday with the realization that the very one they had put their hope and faith in was gone.  Jesus was no longer suffering on the cross-- he was in the grave.  It seemed over.  I've been thinking about that a lot today.  Trying to imagine what Jesus' followers would have been thinking, experiencing, and trying to understand. I can't imagine anyone was up for any theological banter or dialogue, yet instead I picture it as a very solemn and quiet day, most people likely without words.  Were they calling to mind the things Jesus had eluded to about raising from the dead?  Were some of them clinging to a hope that the story wasn't finished?  I can't imagine the depth of the thoughts and questions swirling in their heads...or the sense of abandonment they must have experienced.

Scripture tells us very little about this day in between. I read through all 4 gospel accounts today to seek out any information that would shed light on that silent day- the day between Good Friday and the day of Resurrection, and what struck me was the absence of information.  We know it was the Sabbath and therefore the day of rest and they did rest 'in obedience to the commandment' (Luke 23:56) , but there is nothing to tell us what the disciples were thinking- no writings to tell us that they all gathered to pray or discuss their thoughts, no words expressing even doubt.

I can't help but thinking what that day would have been like had I been there. How very alone and confused I would have felt, wanting to believe that the story wasn't over, but struggling with the reality that my eyes would have seen.

I don't know if you are living in a day 'in between' experience right now. Maybe you've seen the goodness of God and been living a life pursuing Jesus, but the problems and challenges in life right now have placed you in a valley, and you can't seem to see beyond the reality of today. You want to have faith to believe, but all your eyes see are obstacles. I've felt like that lately.  Longing to hold tightly to God's promises of redemption, but face to face with the reality of despair that I see around me.

I am glad I have today to realize this. To live for just one day in the tension between Good Friday and Easter. To realize there are dark days, days that feel hopeless. How grateful I am though, that I don't have to remain there-- and that I know the rest of the story.  I get to read ahead.

My life would certainly be a mess if it wasn't for the rest of the story.  The part of the story when the tomb is found empty and when Jesus conquers death!  The part when the enemy is defeated, because the grave could not hold the creator of the universe! The part when Jesus comes and speaks his peace and promises to send his Holy Spirit to lead and guide us. That is a story worth telling. That is a story that brings hope and freedom.

Sometimes I think it takes living through the Saturday experiences to understand the rest of the story.  Because it is in my moments of hopelessness that I most fully recognize my need of a savior.

" Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:2-3

Reunions, Remembering and Reprieve...

For 3 hours today I forgot.

I forgot about the stress and heaviness my heart has been carrying this week.
I forgot about the headlines.
Worry seemed far from my mind.
There was no talk of war.
No talk of Russia.
There was only laughter, memories and hugs and smiles....and pizza.

I traveled with a group of friends to visit the children we brought to Colorado this last December to perform The Old Russian Shoemaker.  Their orphanage is about 4 hours from Kiev, so this was the first time we'd all been reunited since our departure in December.

What a sweet reunion it was.

The 7 kids were more than thrilled to see our team and we were tackled with hugs and kisses the moment we were found.

Sitting around a large cafe table, we reminisced about favorite America memories and even were able to FaceTime with some of our wonderful host families in Colorado.  I had brought letters from each of the host families, so those too were read and re-read and read again!  Their faces were filled with pure joy-- their happiness was contagious.

FaceTime with our sweet Kelly in Colorado!

This afternoon was so very precious.  My heart so very full.

More tears were shed upon our departure. The dearness of these children - their yearning for relationships and to be known was once again made clear.

For those 3 hours, rumors of war seemed distant from the mind. Instead in focus were sweet hugs and pleas to 'come visit again soon.'  Life suddenly seemed quite simple.

As our team loaded back into our van and waved our final goodbyes we all sat down and discussed how meaningful the time had been...all of us confirming that life for a moment had felt lighter. Funny....we all had managed to forget.


As we made the long trek back to Kiev the heaviness slowly set back in as we checked our phones and read news updates (bad mood killer, let me tell you). The weight of thousands of Russian troops surrounding the eastern borders suddenly again felt very real...probably because it is very real.

This last week has been mentally exhausting. 95% of conversations seem to focus around the potential of a Russian invasion and what could happen next. Life continues on as normal as possible, but there is a weight that everyone is living under

 I was in a group of internationals a week or so ago and we all had to pick 3 words to describe our feelings for the past two months.  I had to invent a word to accurately describe how I felt: 'yo-yo.'  Life has truly felt a bit like that---one moment up, the next down. Pause.  Repeat.

We've been living on the verge of so many 'what if' scenarios and  I'm constantly struggling to renew my mind and focus on the one hope I know to be true...the Jesus who is my peace in the midst of this storm.  It is truly a daily exercise--and I'm far from perfecting it.  Pause. Repeat.

So tonight I pause and thank God for the reprieve of today, for the chance to get my mind off of what has been bringing me down and instead focus on the children who can so quickly change my perspective and refocus my vision.  The children who remind me of why I'm here in the first place.  

And thus I return to the renewing of the mind:

"God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble. 

 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 

 though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.

 

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her at break of day. 

 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

 Come and see what the Lord has done,
    the desolations he has brought on the earth. 

 He makes wars cease
    to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the shields with fire. 

 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.” 

The Lord Almighty is with us;

    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Psalm 46

Singing a song over the headlines

On the Brink of disaster...
Crisis in Ukraine...
Russia tightens Grip on Putin...
Russian military issues ultimatum to Ukraine...
Russia surrounds Crimea...

These are the headlines that have been bouncing around all the major news sources yesterday and today.  Enough to give oneself a panic attack if you read too much!  Especially living in said nation.
 

So a week ago I was making light of touring through the former President's home and taking pictures sitting behind his desk (really hoping he doesn't come after me for that one by the way)....

5 days later all of Ukraine is holding its breath and praying that all hell does not break loose tomorrow in Crimea.  Things seem to be changing rapidly around here.

I think we all feared Russia's reaction to Ukraine's revolution and impeachment of Yanukovich a bit-- especially after the Olympics came to an end-- but I can honestly say I wasn't expecting what has transpired over the last few days.   I was a bit more optimistic then today's headlines have proved.

For the most part life continues on as normal as can be expected in Kiev-- a good 11 hour drive from the current Russian occupation of Crimea.   I even had lunch at a nearby mall with a friend today, and by the looks of the people in shops and sitting in cafes you'd never guess that the nation is 'on the brink of war'--- until you flip on the TV or check the internet and see all the threats and rhetoric flying around. 

It's more the mental games that can get to you...all the 'what if's'... 
Honestly, nothing was really bothering me much until today.

Today I spent an excessive amount of time online reading headlines (the same ones you are reading). Seeing the building international attention this has all gained started to raise my internal stress level.  And let's just face it-- Russia is intimidating!  When people throw around terms like World War III your mind can do some crazy things!

Seriously....many of my friends and family could hardly locate Ukraine on a map before the last month and now we are the HEADLINE story on BBC, FOX, NBC, CNN and every other major news network.  On some news sites Ukraine even makes up the top 3 stories!  It's crazy! One thing is clear -  people now know Ukraine is not Russia.

Friends keep writing and asking when I'm leaving or if I have an exit strategy.  At this point things in my opinion are stable enough in Kiev to remain where I am and continue on in the work we are doing.  My heart is here, my work and life are here, and in all honesty in this present moment it would be harder for me to leave then to stay- because this is where I want to be.  For now it makes sense to remain.

This is a critical time for this nation.  If you've read my last few posts you'll have read about the tremendous hope that I experienced walking the streets of Maidan over the past week.  People were filled with a somber joy and had eyes fixed on a new horizon they thought was attainable.  They believed that the lives lost had not been lost in vain.

I don't think that hope is gone. 
It's been intimidated with fear perhaps, its concerned, and it is feeling a little shaky- but I do believe that hope remains. 

In our chapel service today at our office I saw the same hope and determination that I saw on the faces of  Maidan last week.  That hope was conveyed through the prayers of my Ukrainian friends.

People are fasting and praying in a way they never have before, and the believers in this nation have been brought to their knees knowing that God is the only way out of this mess.

Today we asked for forgiveness for previously not being so concerned with Syria, with Thailand and with Venezuela and all that has transpired in those nations. It's amazing how things seem so distant, until they become personal.

It has become personal in Ukraine.

Throughout my unsettling, slightly stressful, mind wrestling day there is one song I keep humming in my head.  It's actually a song that keeps coming to my mind every time I've been in coroporate prayer for this nation in recent weeks.

I can't really recall the last time I've heard this song sung or even played, but somehow the lyrics seem to be seared into my heart.  I think God has put them there for a reason.  

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise;
Just to know, Thus saith the Lord.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him,
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er,
Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus!
 O for grace to trust Him more.

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
Just in simple faith to plunge me,
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood.

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life, and rest, and joy, and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

It's easy to focus on the headlines.  

It's easy to give in to stress and worry.

But it's a choice to trust in Jesus...and take him at his word.

Tonight I'm going to bed making that choice. 

Thank you for praying!

Oh and then there was that day we walked through Yanukovich's home...

Well I can truly say without a doubt that I NEVER would have anticipated having a post with this title.  Let's face it, a lot of things happened in the last week that I never would have anticipated....EVER.  Hence the whole 'learning to hold my plans' loosely lesson that is currently a reality.

The air in Kiev this week seems to hold tension mixed with hope.  The streets on Maidan remain full of people in mourning and flower and candle memorials are stewn about the streets as far as the eye can see. It is clear that no one is packing their bags to go home yet.  There is also unrest in the southern part of the country (Crimea) as the pro-Russian part of the region stands strong against the pro-Ukraine Crimean Tar-tars.  It is an interesting time to say the least.

So now back to the title of this post....walking through Yanukovich's home....

Within hours of Viktor Yanukovich fleeing Kiev last Saturday, his home became an instant tourist attraction.  After being seized by journalists and members of the EuroMaidan protest group, the grounds of his home quickly became a hot destination in Kiev. Thousands of people toured the property on Saturday alone! It became an overnight sensation and the talk of everyone in town.

There are many reasons I love my job and the many interesting opportunities it presents! Orphan's Promise (who I work for) is a ministry of CBN, and this past week my dear friend and colleague George Thomas from CBN News has been here to cover the crisis and news developing in Ukraine.  My team in Kiev has been helping George with his logistics and he's been kind enough to let me tag along on some of his coverage of the week's events (I'm a groupie at heart).  His press privileges have gotten our little team into a few cool places we might not have otherwise had access to....like the INSIDE of the Yanakovich estate.

What an experience!  After-all, its not every day you get to stroll through a vacated President's home...open up his medicine cabinet (you bet I did), play a song on his grand piano (that was my cousin),  drink coffee out of one of his cups (that was our tour guide), or sit behind his official desk (that was me too).

Taking calls for the President while he is MIA

People have been describing the home as 'opulent, excessive and ostentatious,' and while I will not be the one to disagree, I cannot say that the actual interior house was all too impressive.  Grand, yes, expensive, yes- but in terms of a being the president of a nation, I'm sure there are presidents who boast grander homes. (And yes- I do realize Yanukovich has more than this one!).

What baffled my mind most of all was the fact that we were freely walking through a home that only days before had been occupied by the man himself. 
I couldn't help but wonder -how quickly did he make his exit strategy?
What is he thinking now, knowing that thousands are traipsing through his grounds....seeing where he slept?
I guess he currently has more important things on his mind...

What was the most disconcerting or perhaps amusing was the fact that his estate is being guarded by a bunch of young, practically self-appointed kids who had been down on Maidan.  One of our 'tour guides' was an 18-year-old- barking orders of what to do and what not to touch (he was sweet though!).   It was quite the motley crew running the show.  At least they are limiting who they let in the doors.   I have to say it is a good thing we were a group of 'upstanding individuals' as the ability to steal small items from the estate would have been quite easy! (Don't worry...we didn't...that's just how my mind works!)

So here is a little more of the inside of the Victor Yanokich's home at Mezhigiria.  I'm still pinching myself...

George and team filming a stand-up in the living room

billiards anyone?

and a little concert

our 'guide'

you'd think he could afford to update the bedside phone?

a heavy dose of medicine at hand...

looks like he took all his clothes with him as he ran...

some family finds..

he even has his own church....seriously...

and an elevator...

Our guide's coffee break mid-tour

School may be cancelled, but I'd say I took my cousin Gabrielle on a good field trip!

Thanks George!! Life is never boring when you are around!

The Blood of the Martyrs

On Thursday evening I wrote my previous entry with a very heavy heart and a tremendous amount of uncertainty for what would happen next in Kiev. 

However, if you've been following the news you will know that an incredible 48 hours transpired since that Thursday evening when I sat staring blankly at my computer screen.

In what felt like a script straight out of a riveting Hollywood movie, Saturday February 22nd brought more headlines centered around Ukraine, that if the entire world hadn't been paying attention by Saturday, it was time to wake up. All eyes seemed to be on Ukraine.

The President went missing.
Yuliya Tymeshenko was freed from prison after 30 months of her 7 year term.
The parliament voted to oust the President.
The Police flee the city.
President's opulent estate is turned into a tourist attaction on the same day he flees.
Thousands flock to Maidan to mourn and pray.
Yuliya Tymeshenko wheel chair bound and only hours out of prison speaks to the crowd.
What was previously more or less a war zone is now filled with thousands of hopeful citizens.

Talk about a day to go down in history!!

Today certainly felt like a new day. A day perhaps not of certainty- but a day filled with HOPE.

I've never been more proud of Ukraine then I was today.  Walking down Hrushveskovo street, I saw families holding hands on a road that weeks ago was guarded by the Berkut (special forces).

A road where people lost lives and barricades had been built high.  Today it was free.

I saw a toddler wrapped in a Ukrainian flag sitting high a top her father's shoulders in safety.  Unaware of all that had transpired, and yet someday the history will be told to her.

Lives were lost for that little girl's future.

I saw tears of people in mourning, lighting candles in memory of those who gave their lives, fighting for ideals of freedom and a nation rid of corrupt leaders.

I saw faces of relief.  You could almost hear people breathing deeply.

There was courtesy in the air-- a love and respect of fellow man and people considering others before themselves.

It blows my mind that today, only three days after blood was spilled on these streets, the nation came out by the thousands to survey the ruin and to remember. 

Prayers were spoken from the main stage.  There was repentance!  There was praising of God and thanking God for all he had done!

As I walked the streets today and saw rubble stacked high and candles lit in remembrance, there was one song that kept running through my head.

When I had been down in this area a few weeks ago I was reminded of the song from Les Miserable, "Do You Hear the People Sing"-- especially because of all the revolutionary style barricades built meters high.  During those days I kept humming, 'do you hear the people sing, singing the songs of angry men...."

But today, in-light of this past week's spilled blood, a different line of the song was brought to my mind...it's at the very end of the song and goes like this:

Will you give all you can give
So that our banner may advance
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance?
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the meadows of France!

The blood of the martyrs.  
The blood of the martyrs indeed.

That is what I felt today.  That the 100+ lives lost were not lost in vain.  That it is the blood of those martyrs that will water the meadows of Ukraine.  Oh Lord, let it be so. 

I know Ukraine has a long road ahead of her, and only part of the victory against corruption has been won.  But today my prayer is that the pages of history that were written this week will be the foundation for a new chapter for this nation. 




 

With hope for the future of Ukraine and with gratitude for all that God has done,

Certainty in the midst of an uncertain time

Tuesday night (from internet)

just a few weeks ago

2 days ago (photo from internet)

Really at a loss of words on this whole situation in Kiev.  To think I was down on freedom square just a week or so ago taking pictures in what was then a peaceful protest.

Tuesday everything changed.  With a sudden out-break of violence and over 20 deaths on Tuesday alone it was clear that we were facing conflict at a new level.  I remained in disbelief--it felt surreal. I had really thought the worst of it was over in January.

On Tuesday public transportation (namely the subway) was shut down completely and today we've entered into day 3 of what feels like a city shut-down, as this city fully depends on underground transit to get to and from work.

Today began the panic of the possibility of the government instituting a state of emergency-- which would mean a full shut down of cell phones, internet, city life, etc.  There was a run on grocery stores and gas stations today that I witnessed as well. Everyone wanting to make sure they have a week's supply of food.

Most news sources are pegging this as an east/west conflict or saying that this is a civil war.  In reality this is about the Ukrainian people reacting to their corrupt government and demanding for a change and to be heard.  In my opinion this is not a civil war.  This is the government killing it's own citizens who were peacefully protesting. It's not the common people vs. the common people-- that would be a civil war. 

I've been spending way too much time online and watching the TV news reports.  I am overwhelmed by the numbers I'm seeing and reading...one site saying that perhaps 100 people were killed today alone.  I can't wrap my mind around that.  100 lives. 100 people that belong to someone. Literally only 2 miles from where I am now.  It is surreal to wrap my mind around.

I admit I've been spending more time reading fear inducing articles then on my knees praying-- as I keep asking others to do.  I think I just feel helpless...and so I just sit stuck in front of my computer screen.  The situation also causes you to feel like you are trapped in limbo.  There are so many plans that have been put on hold, so many uncertainties for what will happen next.  Do we keep planning and working as normal? Do events planned for next week take place? Do I go forward with travel plans? What about next month? Do we pause and wait?  It is a very challenging place to be in.

If anything this crisis reminds me that we need to hold ALL our plans loosely.

Most of our lives (especially in the western world) we live as if tomorrow is a guarantee and we make plans as such, probably because we've lived lives that for the most part have proved certain.  Yet now more then ever I am reminded of the scripture in James 4 that says "You do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.""

Only one thing remains certain today. Jesus is Lord and He alone remains our hope in the midst of the panic and confusion that the world is screaming over the airwaves.  I have to keep reminding myself of that.  My plans are not certain.  The future of this nation is not certain. Nothing really is. But Jesus is certain. He remains Lord and in that alone I can find my peace.


Pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. (Ephesians 6:18)

Time to turn the computer off, and be on my knees for this nation, trusting in a God who alone can bring resolution where people have failed....